4.1 Radical Rewrite: Information E-Mail—Negative Announcement (p. 109) The wordy
4.1 Radical Rewrite: Information E-Mail—Negative Announcement (p. 109)
The wordy, inefficient, and disorganized message invites department managers to three interviewing sessions to select student interns. However, to be effective, this message desperately needs a radical rewrite.
Your Task (note, this differs from the book instructions slightly):
Study the message and list at least five weaknesses. You do not have to re-write the e-mail, but make suggestions for how to improve it. Offer concrete examples to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition. Also think about how to develop an upbeat tone and improve readability.